Ignominy

My Ignominy was my love.

Brand me with thy mark,
That scorching burn that eternally stains
A heart devoted to a love afar
Unrequited and forever denied.

I have spent a lifetime of humiliation
Among my kin, I was the traitor
I heard their voices haunting my ears
In disdain and contempt
I was the banished.
I was the exiled.
All for one sin
The sin of love

Wronged I announce,
I am wronged.
I was wronged into being,
A being other than honest truth
Wronged I am,
But my voice is void.

My eyes resolve to quiet tears,
But my tears burn, and turn to dust
Before they see the light of day

I shut me in my room,
My only refuge from your hating stares
I mourn a love, I mourn a life,
And there my crying is allowed to break.

Damn you all,
Followers of an illusion of a mask
Your Providence has scorned me
Your gods have condemned me…
Only because it was under their eyes
That I committed what I least regret
You fools go tell them,
Go ask them of mine virtue,
And they shall speak none,
For I am no follower,
I am a deserter,
A blasphemer in your accord.

You faceless condemners of faith,
The waters reflect no more than a shadow,
Go seek eyes before you scowl in my face
Go ask your gods to practice their mastery upon you,


I am no deserter,
I am no sinner,
I am no blasphemer,

With thy scorching mark I shall brand my bosom,
Proclaiming mine truth with a voice aloud.

I forever shall bear your penance,
Never vindicated of my crime,
My Ignominy is my love.

The Smell of Solitude

The smell of solitude,
drowned by footsteps from afar.
My heart beating like a drum
Against my chest,
I feel the energy floating into the claustrophobic air
The smoke dazzling my closed eyes,
While the sounds start raping my ears.

The doors are open, and I realize
My vulnerability
My weakness against their eyes
Every movement counts
Every word uttered holds my destiny within its hand,
And I feel the exhilaration pumping through my veins.

My hands shiver, but I beg they won't see
I must remain still,
I must never indulge their eyes with a distraction
I must never make them realize my existence,
Not yet.

The clock ticks, and their sounds begin to dim.
I feel their existence,
I feel them floating inside my blood.
The lights go out, and I become the object of their sight.
It is time.

I wait for the moment, where I open my eyes,
I make my movement a purpose for their pleasure
I open my mouth releasing words I long wanted to utter,
And I beg my soul to deliver them truthfully,
I speak the lines they most want to hear,
And add nothing more to my conviction.

I walk knowing their eyes are scrutinizing
I speak knowing their ears are straining to hear,
And I fear their whispers as I return to my imposed posture.

I finish my words, and I walk away
Leaving the impact to take its full.
I hear their clapping, and feel their entertainment
Filling me pleasure I long wanted to feel
They cry and so I laugh.
I smile at their tears,
For I have served my purpose,
And my mission is done.
I bow to them, thanking their eyes,
And I take my leave, hope I remain
An inspiration for a minute or two...

Recollection

I close my eyes, relieving the pain of yet another day
My mind is windswept into a forgotten eternity

I hear
The laughter of a child unburdened by dreams
His voice resonant in the ears of the world
I see the smile and the eyes that gleam
As he is told of life's sweet ends
He runs the sands, gleefully, joyfully
Collecting the shells along the innocence beach

I hear
The crying of a boy disillusioned by hopes
His voice raping the silence of his sleep
I see his tears drowning the sheets
As he is thrown in the pains of loss
He roams the night, woefully
Writing of a life not meant to be

I breathe deep as recollection pains me.

But then I hear,
The voice of a man revealing his heart
His words emancipating forgotten pains
I see his arms open apart
As he embraces the loss and gain
He kicks the sands laughing the irony away
The shells of his childhood vanished away.

My eyes remain shut and I breathe deep
But behind me the clock strikes twelve
The sound slays me into being
And existence returns.

The tear burns my cheek.
And I open my eyes…