The Dreamer and The Pendulum

The death sentence is declared. And I am left with two minutes of life.
The blade approaches and I watch its movement, like a pendulum above my head.
My words fall short, and rhyme escapes my thought.
No time to musically adjust them, so I burst them, wild and blunt.
The feeling of helplessness does not escape me. For I watch this beast approaching with his jaws wide open and his fangs desiring my flesh.
I feel his breath,
The stinking breath and I cannot even look away.
Instead I look at it in the eye. The bloodshot eye. And I see the blade. Unmoving, unscathed, unaffected by my courage.
They say in moments like this, heroes and cowards part way.
I think cowards would be the winners.
I break down and start weeping.
Not because the blade scares me.
Not because death scares me.
Because there's so much more I wanted to do.
So much more I wanted to say.
So many promises I had to keep, and so many apologies I had to make.
I say a prayer for those who love me,
For I fear I might have not loved them enough.
I might not have truly showed them how much they meant.
And I wish in desperate hope that one day they would realize how much they meant for me.
I say a prayer for my mother and father.
I might have been too hard on them
I might have been ungrateful.
I have broken their hearts Oh so many times,
And if only I had a little bit more time to fix them.
Try to mend them, and soothe them.
But it remains a desperate hope.
I think of my friends, and I see them smiling.
Looking at me, with tears in their eyes,
But smiling.
They know what awaits me, but try to make it easiest for me.
They know tears cut me, and crying breaks me,
And they try to control it.
But I break down.
For so many times I have cried in front of them, showed my tears and allowed them to flow.
So many times they have been my shoulder, but not once had I seen their tears.
And it kills me a second death.
Then I say a prayer to you.
So many feelings I felt but could not elaborate.
I could not burst them, for I loved you too much.
You have saved me from myself.
The dark dwelling of my being.
You gave a name for my existence,
And a meaning to my life.

I do not say I am sorry.
The crying turns to laughter,
And I smile as I recall your face.
And I say thank you.
Thank you for loving me,
For being my one and only.
Thank you for every smile,
And every tear and every moment.
You have made my life worthwhile.
And as the seconds tick away,
And my life withers, I see that I have lived a good life,
Having had you near me,
To love and to cherish.
Your lips have been my remedy in the times to pass,
And so they shall save me the suffering to come.

I think of your kiss, and the blade cuts my throat.
And I do not feel a thing.

The Line 2

All the running broke me.
But I was resolved on reaching the light that kept escaping me.
Until I fell to the floor.
I crawled for a while, but crawling made it worse. For the light began dimming.
I was desperate. I was lost.
So I stopped.
I looked around.
I dared look sideways.
I dared look up, and down.
And I saw…

I saw people running, people smiling.
People walking in circles and zigzags and every shape imaginable.
At first I grew resentful.
These people are non-believers
They are disillusioned. They do not want to reach the light.
And then I noticed that no one was walking alone.
Every person I saw belonged to a pack, or a group.
And I…
I saw myself alone.
Why?

The snow onto which I walk tastes only my footsteps.
This virgin forest is my own.
It is my only refuge from savage beasts.
I trod it alone, fearful of the wolves behind me.
Only I have grown hungry, weary and cold.
And realized that the only wolf I truly fear,
Is the only one who's gotten a grip of me.
The wolf of my loneliness.

to be continued...

The secret of happiness

So, have we solved the secret of happiness?
"I believe so," he said.
Are you going to tell me?
"Yes. Ready?"
Ready.
"Be satisfied."
That's it?
"Be grateful."
That's it?
"For what you have. For the love you receive. And for what God has given you."
That's it?
He looked me in the eye. Then he sighed deeply.
"That's it."

- From Mitch Albom's Have a Little Faith.