Inside The Pillow

The pillow swallows my head, for it is too heavy with thoughts.


I open my eyes and I'm in a world with which I am unfamiliar.
I am in a field where the ground is deep dark blue, naked trees are dispersed here and there, and rabbits with horns are jumping all around. The sky is crimson patched with yellow clouds.


I look around the chaos, and my thinking moves towards you.
Maybe this is where you've gone.
Maybe this rampant chaos is your reality, your refuge of the world you most despised.
I look for you in this other side of the world and wonder, will you be here? And even if u were, will u recognize me and call my name?


I watch the crimson sky fall in different shades of red and beg the gods of this part of my being to bring you. My soliloquy is found in vain. The gods seem not to hear.
I run and I cry, my crying turns to screaming, and soon I find myself caught up in my own sounds of despair. My throat goes hoarse. I stop. I pant, my breathing goes heavy, I fall to the floor…


I listen to the wind and hear your name whispered.
Then I see you. You see me as well, but turn your face.
Look at me! I ask of you, but you look away.
You don’t remember.
My guts have told me, and my senses have warned me.


As I lie on the floor, my tears begin fall.
The silent night pities me, and the sky sheds her own tears upon me; consoling me.
Rain falls hard. Rain is warm.
I see you still standing there, thinking for yourself, trying to bring back your memory of me.
Rain turns into fuzzy warm white snow.
I am still lying on the floor, and you are still thinking.
Snow melts and pink grass sprouts on the blue dirt.
You are still thinking.
Rain falls again, warm white snow again.
It covers me as I lie there, but you are lost in your pondering.


Silence.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, decades. A century.
I am holding my breath.
And your thoughts seem to drift.
Snow, winter: the world of fragility cannot hold its patience.
I hear the sound of snow melting, giving up.
But I will not,
I will not give up.


I bite myself, and blood gushes on the snow.
Green.
You look at it.
You give me that look: 'Right!'
You remember.


You run to me, and I pick myself off the floor.
Bleeding, I walk to you.
My feet cannot hold me, I fall again, and I crawl to you as you run to me.
I count the steps you make, they seem endless, and you do not reach me.
I crawl even more, harder, faster. But I do not reach you.
You keep running, and stretch your hand towards me, and I stretch my skinless hand. I do not reach you.


You stop. I look down.
You look away, I understand.
I cry.
I close my eyes. I disappear.
I make one last prayer. I say goodbye,
And the pillow spits me out...